Me: Babe, did you wash these clothes?
Matt: Yes.
Me: Umm, did you add fabric softener?
Matt: No.  You know I hate to do that.
Me: It still says “softener added” on the washing machine, but you are saying you did not add it?
Matt: Yes.  I did not put any in.  Can’t you just appreciate that I did the laundry?

See how quickly Matt’s kind deed transformed into an argument?  He was trying to be nice and do laundry, but I became upset because it was done incorrectly.  This shows my selfishness, I know.  Now, there are a fews ways to fix this problem.  First, I could just let it go and appreciate the sweet thing he did.  Second, I remembered that my mom made a “laundry chart” for me back home, and it enabled me to do laundry on my own — but in her way.  I asked Matt if that would help, so he remembered what settings that everything needed to be on.  He agreed!  So I whipped up this little chart on excel.

Recently I learned that you need to keep your laundry separate so that germs do not spread.  I cannot imagine my clothing getting contaminated with kitchen germs and then wearing them around!  Yuck!  This chart reminds us to keep things separate and to wash the highly germy stuff in hot water so the germs die!  Now, Matt can be sweet and do the laundry and it will be perfect!  How do you wash your laundry?  Do you have anything to add to my chart?

For me, I’m used to certain chores being reserved for the men: emptying the garbage, washing cars, yard work and driving. The ladies, however, usually do the cooking, house cleaning and laundry. Early on in our relationship, this was an issue for us. (I use the term “issue” lightly, it was just a little speed bump in what is usually a smooth ride.) We were going for a long road trip and Matt asked when I was ready to take the wheel. Say what? “That’s the guy’s job!” I said. “It’s weird for a girl to drive with a guy as a passenger!”

Just for fun… here’s a picture of us when we were dating…

And here I am going “hey, this is your job!”

Just last night, the garbage can was overflowing and I looked at Matt. He looked at me. I knew it was my turn. I picked it up, saw that it was leaking and then the stench hit the nostrils. You see, I can’t take gross smells very well, like at all. The dry heaving began and I was rendered incapable of taking out the garbage.

To be fair, I’ll ask what Matt thinks are jobs reserved for the ladies that he finds himself doing or doesn’t think he should do. He mostly agreed with my list of “women’s jobs” but he often is the one who does laundry and will chip in with cooking and cleaning, too. Maybe we’re even.

What do you think about his/her jobs?

Sixty-nine percent of women felt that they did more chores while 53 percent of men disagreed. It’s also a cause of tension, as one in five Americans said they argue about housework on a monthly basis.

I’ll admit, we tend to argue about cleaning more often than I’d like. It has subsided a little, as we have gotten more used to living together. In the past, we tried to find our own home cleaning system (you can download a cleaning chart here), but it’s only had a moderate impact.

One solution Ludwig came up with was to “let” a spouse do a certain chore if he or she likes it. Um, I don’t really know anyone who likes to do chores, so that would just bring us back to square one.

But there were two tips she shared that I agree with. The first, complement your spouse when they have done some work. I think most of the arguments about cleaning probably come about from feeling that your work is overlooked – remember the Giving 90 Getting 10 rule I talked about earlier?

The other piece of the segment I liked was at the end: Just do it because a clean home is likely a happier home. CLR also has an online quiz to reveal your cleaning personality. Sounds like something that was in the back of Teen Magazine, but it may interest you to take it. I am a “we do,” meaning that I like cleaning to be done together. Makes sense, I guess.

Is cleaning a point of contention in your home? Did you take the Chore Wars quiz?

Here’s what we’ve tried so far:

Chore Wheel

A chore wheel, if you’ve never heard of one, evenly divides up tasks and rotates to each person. The handy circle that has kept college roommates from playing the blame game had apparently had a smooth transition into newlywed life, as it was the winning advice given at one of my girlfriend’s wedding shower.

Result: Not so much in our house. Despite fun colors and promises to use it, it never worked as a guideline. Heck, it was never even turned once!

The Nag-Free System

No one likes a nag, so each person cleans as they see fit. For example, if there are no clean bath towels left, do a load of laundry right away instead of hunting for a beach towel in the back and leaving the chore for someone else.

Result: While everything may be clean, the house is covered with resentment. The idea is that each person would clean what they couldn’t live with, but some people just don’t notice the mess or weren’t giving up their free time to do clean. We each felt that we were doing more than the other, because, as mentioned above, messy is subjective.

Minute Limit System

For a quick clean, spend just 5 minutes in each room to clear clutter, wipe things down and get it back in order. At the end of the time, move items from the cleaned rooms to their correct places. For us, it would mean a clean house in under an hour.

Result: Mixed. I was convinced that spending 5 minutes in a room would work. It didn’t. I needed at least 10 minutes for the bedrooms and bathrooms, and about 20 minutes for the kitchen and living room. At the end, I was exhausted and surrounded by piles of stuff that still needed to be put away when I felt that I should be done. It also didn’t allow for deeper cleaning, like in the shower.

Mix Cleaning with Pleasure

What if cleaning was an enjoyable time? This idea would bring together things you enjoy and doing it while cleaning. Some ideas would be, playing music, talking to a friend on the phone, cleaning on commercial breaks, etc. Another way to spice up cleaning would be in your tools. For my wedding, I registered for some weird stuff – leopard print broom, with hot pink leopard gloves and sponges, etc. I also really enjoy certain cleaners – more on that later in the week.

Result: Mixed. It makes cleaning better, but I would rather just do the fun stuff and skip the cleaning.

Home Lovin’ Chart

This idea came from Apartment Therapy. It spelled out the chores and evenly divided them as a divide and conquer approach over a month’s time. I also thought calling it a “Home Lovin’ Chart” would help us avoid the negative connotations that come with the word “chore” (makes me think of bore and abhor…). That way, it was like we were positively contributing to our investment and wellbeing.

Result: Mixed. We’re still trying to find our groove, but there’s much less resentment going on since it’s evenly divided. We modified the Apartment Therapy chart to account for more rooms and a busier schedule. (A link to the Excel spreadsheet will be on the site later this week.) Honestly, our schedules are so crazy that it’s hard to commit to a set plan like this. Also, the AT chart is for people with much higher expectations. We typically only use half of our house most days, but that would change when we add kids and animals to the mix.

Perhaps a combination of some of these methods would work. We’re still figuring it out. What about you, do you have a system? I’m interested in hearing about it in case it might work better for us.

My hubby and I have a really hard time with getting the dishes done.  We have a dishwasher, and we have no problems running it. Unloading the thing is the big problem for us.  We run it and then forget to unload it and get busy and the next thing you know, dishes are stacked all over the counter. It’s like a bachelor pad sometimes. I was thinking about that this morning as I unloaded the dishwasher.  I kept avoiding it because it would take forever, but you know what, it only took about 4 minutes!  That’s it!  I put a few dirty dishes in and felt much better about the state of our kitchen.  If only I could remember that when I’m in a rush!

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Thankfully, after almost a year of waiting, Matt’s first day at his new work is tomorrow! It’s been an interesting road to get to this point, so I thought I would share our perspective on life after being laid off.

For this post, I’ll focus on how we changed our mindset while also retaining a comfortable lifestyle. First off, I should note that we are mostly savers and had a comfortable cushion. You hear people talking about emergency funds and whatnot, so please let this current economy scare you into putting just a little bit away for your wellbeing in uncertain times.

(Source: Team Sugar)

Rethink Spending

Take a close look at what you’re spending and make it a habit of taking each and every purchase into consideration. For the non-negotiables, which are different for everyone, be creative in how you can save. An example: Matt recently called the cable company to see if we could save any money. One phone call later and we knocked off $30 a month! And we still have a free movie channel, DVR on two TVs and other perks. To us, we knew we’d be staying in, so this was a valued expense.

Get Priorities In Order

I think of all the workers out there who sacrificed family and personal time to help a company’s bottom line. Now that so many of them are unemployed, was their investment of time and energy really worth it? Sometimes working more hours is unavoidable with more people having added responsibilities these days, but it’s good to evaluate how time is spent so you aren’t neglecting the people and things you love.

Be Realistic

For us, in the days after the layoff, I pictured fun times together without spending money: tackling home projects on the cheap to increase our home’s value, flexing our cooking muscles in the kitchen and maybe even a little more Rock Band time. Yet, it was tough having to constantly turn down trips or nights out with friends and family. It turned out that staying home was the last thing Matt wanted to do, since he was there all day looking for jobs or doing consulting work.

Adjust Your Attitude

Being a fairly frugal gal, it was easy to cut back and use coupons. After a while, however, I would find myself daydreaming about things we could do with more money. This would sometimes turn into jealousy and coveting and then to some times of severe discontentment. It was great to have a spouse and supportive family and friends to remind me that it’s a temporary situation and that I should count my blessings.

Next week, I’ll look into tips to finding work. Until then, do share: Have you been affected by job loss? How have you dealt with it?