Tag Archives: relationships

Is TV Taking Over Your Life?

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Is TV taking over your life? That may seem like an  question to ask, but it’s something that I’ve noticed lately. Young married women (at least the ones I hang out with) tend to watch a lot of TV. Mostly stupid TV. Dare I even say that they’re addicted? I might be one of them. While I might not think I’m addicted I catch myself talking about TV nonstop. (Although, I am probably addicted to reading blogs as much and talking to my friends who read them, too.) At work and with friends, I always find myself chatting about what was on the latest episode of some show.

Anyone else excited for the Big Brother finale?

It’s fun to talk about, but I realize that I could be doing something much more productive with my time. Do you ever find yourself thinking that too? Or are you totally not into TV? Most evenings in our house are spent watching at least a couple hours of TV. (Much of that is me on the computer blogging, too.) It’s easy to say that Matt and I are spending time together, but it’s not exactly quality time. I often say that I’m willing to give up the TV, but it’s just such a staple that it would be weird not to have it. There’s also the big debate (especially in the design world) as to whether there should be a TV in the bedroom or not.

I don’t really know where I’m going with all this, except maybe to find out if anyone else feels like they spend more quality time with their TV than with their spouse, family or friends. We’ve been getting better at having people over — after we drop our lame excuses not to hang out with people — and I hope that we will continue to do that. Heck, even having people over to watch TV — like when we had our mini Bachelor finale party — makes it a better experience.

So how much TV do you watch a week? Would you ever consider giving up some of that time to spend more quality time with you family and friends?

 

 

Having Different Love Languages

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Being married for over two years, we’ve learned how important it is to really love each other. Yet, it’s not always that easy. The way I feel love and show love might not match up with my husband’s way to best feel loved. That’s where the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts comes in. It’s often a tool used in premarital counseling. 

After taking a short test found in the book, I learned that my primary love language is Acts of Service and my secondary is a tie between Words of Affirmation & Gifts.  I show my love by serving people, and I love it when people do the same for me.  The other two remaining love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch. 

This is definitely the love language of gifts!

Like many couples, we have different love languages. Matthew’s primary love language is Quality Time, by a longshot.  My languages are almost equally spaced in ranking (like not much difference between the 5) whereas Matthew has quality time ranked much much higher than any others. 

It can be a challenge in a marriage if you speak (and hear) different primary love languages.  I just want people to do things for me (it sounds way more selfish than it is, I swear) and tell me they love me.  Matthew could care less about what I do, but just wants to sit down and enjoy my company. Learning to sit still (because I am one who is constantly moving and trying to be productive) and just talk or watch a movie (because normally I crochet during movies) has been quite the endeavor for me.  Matthew has learned to send me little texts throughout the day to let me know he loves me, and to do little things of service (like taking out the trash).  We are slowly learning to speak each other’s love languages and enjoy listening to our own.

 

Have you and your spouse (or spouse to be) read this book?  Do you know your love language?  What challenges have you faced in speaking different love languages?

 

Does Your Spouse Have Quirks?

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Saying “my spouse has quirks” is a nicer way of saying “ugh, my spouse is so annoying!” I often find that I’m on the receiving end of those types of statements about as often as I say them. We mostly deal with it by either ignoring it or politely suggesting they change. Or else! ;) It’s funny though, because you wouldn’t know a lot of these kinds of things unless you lived with them before. Sometimes, it’s new quirks that they develop after a while of living with someone.

Just for fun, here are some of our quirks. At this point, we can laugh at them. In the beginning of living together, however, we faced these issues head on with heavy sighs and a good dose of sarcasm. I’d like to think we’ve grown a bit since then.

As for me, I have a couple bad habits that drive Matt batty. The first is leaving cabinet doors open. I’m not exactly methodical when it comes to cooking/baking. (Which might explain the one time I accidentally used laundry detergent instead of oil when baking!) The second quirk I’m sharing with you today is displayed below.

This is probably one of my worst habits. No matter what I bring into the house, I usually place it in the middle of a walkway. It’s amazing how I never realized this. I was literally stepping over my purse and bags that were in the way and didn’t notice it. I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at this. Matt seems to think so, too.

Surprisingly, Matt does have a few not-so-lovely habits. I’ll be nice though and not complain about him to the world wide web. Most of it probably stems from our personality traits butting heads. Matt is a very methodical person and often makes me slow down with my creative ways (be it cooking, shopping or driving … just kidding on the last one!) One of the more bothersome of his quirks is having the sheets on our bed “just so.” If there is a wrinkle, if I sleep on top of the sheets, etc. he doesn’t sleep well. He likes the sheets to be folded over and just at his shoulders, whereas I smush the top of the sheets up in my face for maximum comfort. In the end, we got a king-size bed with king-size sheets so we hardly notice the other and can sleep soundly.

Making the Mother-Daughter Bond Stronger

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Did you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day yesterday? I hope so! I was glad to celebrate some of my favorite women, even though my mom was out of town. I guess I have to share her with my brother, who lives in Southern California.

Celebrating moms got me thinking about how my relationship with my mom has changed since becoming a Mrs. I’ve always had a good relationship with my mom, but I can’t quite figure out how being married has made it so much better.

Here we are waiting in line for a ride at Disneyland. Can you tell we love the sun and our sunnies?

Perhaps one reason is that time spent with my mom (and my dad, too!) is rarer and therefore more special. I lived with my parents up until I was married, which was great, but hanging out would sometimes fall into the realm of “everyday ordinary.”

I’m probably not saying this the best way, but our roles seem more equal now. Before it was mother-daughter, but now we have being a wife in common. It’s great to have the best of both worlds – one where we can chat like friends over lunch and another where I can ask advice on anything from cooking to married life.

My mom gives out great advice, too. One piece that has stuck with me is not to complain about your husband to others. I admit, this can be hard sometimes – not that I have a lot to complain about. (Love ya babe! :) ) For one thing, it’s betraying your partner’s trust. There are some things that you need to keep just between the two of you. It would crush me to hear him complain about me, so I try not to do it as well. For another, it can give people a negative view of your partner; especially if you’re telling the same person over and over.

Maybe the change has been with me also. Now that I’m married, I have a newfound respect for my mom. I’m sure once we have kids, this will take on an entirely new meaning.

Photo by Joel Flory.

I wish everyone could have a mom like mine!

Tell me, do you have a good relationship with your mom? Do you feel that it has changed as you have gotten older?

Poll: Do you watch ‘The Marriage Ref’?

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In marriage, everyone needs a ref. and everyone wants a winner. These are the claims of Jerry Seinfeld’s new NBC show, “The Marriage Ref.” Upon seeing the commercials, I admit to thinking that this show couldn’t be good for marriages. I’ve always been told to keep the details of marital problems to yourself and not involve others, let alone celebs and the rest of America.

(Source: Nbc.com)

During the show, they interview a couple about an argument and bring on three celebrities to take a side of the husband or wife. A “just the facts” girl helps keep things in perspective. In the end, the Marriage Ref, comedian Tom Papa, makes “the call.”

Do you watch "The Marriage Ref"?

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Is this show a winner? I say yes. It’s not perfect, but it’s essentially a show with some heart that will make you laugh out loud. The issues they face are fairly tame — like a wife restricting rooms in the house — as well as some that you hopefully will never face — like a husband building a shrine to a stuffed pet. I’d say the biggest surprise was Eva Longoria Parker delivering more zings than Tina Fey! Plus, the participating couples got a second honeymoon for participating. Not shabby, right?

My favorite part, and what ultimately won me over, is the message at the end: “Isn’t marriage worth fighting for?” Most definitely.

Last week’s poll update: Do you garden? Well, looks like most of you want or have herbs, veggies and fruit trees in your garden. For me, I don’t have one. Yet!

PS — We were not paid to review this TV show, we just thought it would be of interest to our readers.

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