Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

I’m a bit late to the game for this one, but I feel so strongly about the topic that I couldn’t help but participate. I found this post by Creature Comforts via Pinterest, read the post by Jess that sparked the conversation and then the heartfelt post from Hello Cupcake and knew that it was my turn to share my own “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You.” Basically, as bloggers, in wanting to put our best selves and best work online, we have created a false reality. This false reality has led to me (and I’m sure many, many more) to compare my real life to these false blogger lives.

Before I pour a glass of “honest-tea,” there are two things I want to share. First: My favorite blog is Young House Love. John and Sherry do an incredible job sharing the not-as-pretty moments as they do the pretty ones. For years I had wanted to blog as a job (more on that below), but this “day in the life” post knocked some much-needed sense into me that has helped me remove my rose-colored glasses.

Second: I am very honest on this blog and in real life. I honestly doubt anyone who reads this blog wishes they had my life because of what I share. However, I have heard other bloggers say this and thought “Are you kidding? Your life seems amazing!” So to all one of you who may want my life…

Having looked over my list below, you’ll find a common theme…

  • I’ve been blogging since 2004 and almost every year since then I have considered myself a failure for not earning a living by blogging. It especially pains me when newer blogs become hugely successful seemingly overnight. I’ve been tempted to give up all together, but I enjoy blogs and writing too much to completely stop.
  • Keeping it real even more: The money we make through ads on this site in a year, after basic costs and splitting with Megan, is less than my hourly rate I charge for freelance work (design, writing and other stuff).
  • I often keep myself from following through with my ideas because I have convinced myself they are stupid. I’m in the process of forcing myself to carry out creative ideas so I can learn to learn from mistakes and also maybe celebrate successes. I know better than to think my ideas are all bad and I have a wonderful support system, yet that mean inner voice that won’t go away usually wins.
  • Most days my house is pretty messy (according to my standards at least) and I feel immense guilt about it … yet often I do nothing to fix it. On a recent Saturday I forgot to move a set of wet towels from the washer to the dryer. I didn’t notice until the following Thursday when Matt discovered it. I cried. I cried because I failed not only as a wife but as a responsible human being. (I should mention that Matt in no way thinks I fail as a wife or a person this time or any other time. His eternal optimism, even nature and being the best listener has helped bring me out of some dark and/or crazy spells. Sometimes I think he saves me from myself.)
  • I’m shy when it comes to meeting new people in person. It’s easier for me to open up through writing or social networking, but I also feel like it’s easy to come off as disingenuous. So, most times I just don’t get to know people. I’m trying to get better at this too, which is why I’m especially excited for Blogs & Coffee.
  • It’s popular to be a foodie, but I have pretty low food standards when it comes to feeding myself. I have developed basic food skills to try and impress and feed my husband. When eating by myself, I rarely cook a meal at all. I’ve eaten chips for dinner and ice cream sandwiches for breakfast … more than once.
  • My life could appear glamorous since I am surrounded by wine and vineyards at work. While I do love my job, it’s work just like any other job: I can’t drink on the clock and I stare at a computer screen from 8 to 5. Then I drive home, eat, stare at two screens (TV and computer) and then go to sleep. I then sleep for the maximum amount of time possible before rushing out the door to start all over again.

This list could go on, but you get the point. I’m not here to wallow over these points and I’m honestly not looking for people to try to build me up because I participated in this. I just want to help break the “grass is greener” blogging issue that I find myself buying into. It’s time to enjoy the specific life that we each have been granted! Have any of you felt yourself buying into it too?

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5 thoughts on “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

  1. Emily– I’ve always thought you were pretty amazing and I learned so much from you when we worked side by side. I miss you and miss that.

    I loved reading this post. So many of your posts had me noddling yes in agreement. Especially the making money one. When really, the friendships you have found through blogging, is more than money could ever buy, right?! :) Big hugs!

  2. I totally agree with you on so many of these points; I feel the same way! I look at the amount of $$ I make from ads and it’s ridiculous how little we get for having blogged for so long, when others appear overnight and BAM! Famous. Interesting how certain blogs click like that though.

    And I’m sorry to hear you have such a hard time getting to know people! I wish we lived closer together so we could hang out and get to know each other better, in person!

    Oh, and we could make better food and be real foodies too? haha!

  3. Three weekends ago I sat on my couch and ate ruffles and ranch dip and thin mints for breakfast. I totally relate to nearly all of this post.

    Thanks for your honesty.

  4. Pingback: SOME DAYS CALL FOR PRETTY THINGS - Sparkle Meets Pop

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